Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Two words: nipple clamps
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