You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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