So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
