Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
