First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
3 2 1 whiskey
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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