I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
