You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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