Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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