I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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