The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize