Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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