how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
