holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
