That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
