"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
