So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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