Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
