I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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