Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
