Non-Jews are for practice
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
