why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
