i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
