I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
