what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
