The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't think brook has ever known best
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
