I could have mohawked her pubes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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