As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
