First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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