So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
