just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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