i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
