He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
