Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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