Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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