omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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