You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
