im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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