yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is the high leading the old right now
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
