He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
