i think my tv is drunk
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize