the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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