i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
