You just made me feel so damn special
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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