i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize