Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
jump out the window naked night went bad
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
