Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
