i wish my penis had a tongue
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
