So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
