i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
