There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
