apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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