dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
