My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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