This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
