She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
