I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
