When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
