remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
