I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
