he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
40s are totally the cure
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
