Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
