my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
there is glitter all over my balls
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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