The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
