Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
