I think I died a long time ago.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
