Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
