theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
