I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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