I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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