The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
