Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
