She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
