Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize