She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
