cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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