Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
