I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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