The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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