Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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