if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
