I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
