I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
