you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
