What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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