Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
