you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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