So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
