Umm I'm too high to move.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
