I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
