I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize