you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
