I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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