three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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