i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize