please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
