What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
