I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Of course I have a pirate flag
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
