dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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