It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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