Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
