I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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