Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
