im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
