Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
